> ADDITIONAL STORIES 
My Family's Gift of Life by Bob Ledbetter On February 18, 1995, in the small northwest Texas town of Bowie, a crash caused the deaths of three teenagers. My son Aaron, who was driving the car, died from his injuries eight days later. Ruby and Chance, two friends with Aaron, died at the scene. The state reconstructive team determined that Aaron had done everything possible to avoid the crash. The other driver crossed all the way over the centerline in his one-ton pickup loaded with oil equipment, and hit Aaron's car head on. Despite the testimony of witnesses as to his impairment, including law enforcement and other emergency responders, and driving a pick up full of beer cans, the driver refused alcohol testing. Eventually, he pled guilty to three counts of Reckless Manslaughter and was sentenced to 20 years. He will serve only eight. The night of the crash, Aaron was Care-Flighted to the hospital where my wife Margie and I were told his injuries were so numerous and severe that he could die at any time. Hearing this news I said, "If he does die, I want you to take whatever organs you can use." Organ donation wasn't something Aaron and I had ever talked about, but we are a family that helps others and I felt it was something he would have wanted. Aaron was in surgery for over seven hours. He had multiple fractures in his left leg and his hip was dislocated. The spleen was damaged and was removed. His left elbow was crushed, his collarbone broken and there was extensive internal bleeding. The plastic surgeon said Aaron's face resembled a china plate that had been dropped onto a concrete floor. His left eye was dislodged from the socket, and he would probably be blind in that eye. But the most serious damage was the head trauma; the two lobes of Aaron's brain had been torn apart. Eight days after the crash, Aaron was pronounced dead. He never regained consciousness. We didn't know it at the time but our pain had just begun. We didn't understand that we had been sentenced to a lifetime of pain and sorrow. They say the pain gets easier; I think you just learn to live with it. A representative from the organ procurement agency came to talk with us. The whole family was there as well as many close friends. There was no hesitation, we had all been searching for some ray of goodness to come from this tragedy and to be able to donate some of Aaron's organs seemed like one of those ways. Aaron had a compassion and tenderness unusual for a 17-year-old and we knew that somewhere there were people who needed his help. The representative explained all the procedures in detail and answered our questions. We chose not to donate skin and tissue but wanted Aaron's kidneys and heart--the only organs not damaged - to help others. His corneas couldn't be transplanted but they could go to research so we agreed to that as well. We later learned that a man in Lubbock, Texas received Aaron's heart. A man in Houston, Texas got one of his kidneys and a woman in Fort Worth, Texas his other kidney. We immediately began sending letters, cards and photographs through the hospital to the recipients because we wanted them to know something about Aaron and we wanted to know them and their families. For five years we sent letters and cards, but we never heard anything back. Meanwhile, our family began to piece our lives back together. Margie and I became involved with MADD and gave talks in local high schools. My sister Cheryl, living in Wichita, Kansas, was assisted by the DUI Victim Center of Kansas. She spoke on the DUI Victim Panel and volunteered for many other activities. More than five years after Aaron's death we were invited to speak at a high school near Lubbock. We again thought of the man who had received Aaron's heart. Since he had not responded to our continued mailings, we decided to contact the organ donation agency directly. The Director assured me that if I sent something directly to the agency in Lubbock, he would personally see to it that it was given to the recipient. We composed a letter, mailed it off and waited. Two weeks passed before receiving a call from a man in Lubbock whose name we did not recognize. This stranger had found our letter in the middle of the road where it must have blown off a postal truck! He went to the trouble to let us know that he was forwarding it on to the addressee. I asked if he had read the letter and he said he had not. He was stunned after hearing the letter's contents. Eventually the letter made its way to Jack, the man who had received Aaron's heart. He and his wife, Charlene, were eager to meet us. Our first visit was in a public place and lasted more than two hours. Jack and Charlene told us that they wanted to find out about the heart's donor and his family, but were told we had to make the first move. They had waited in vain for a communication from us. We learned that the hospital never passed on our correspondence to any of the three recipients. We brought photos, videos and letters from teachers about Aaron to share with Jack and Charlene. We also gave them a large picture of Aaron, along with copies of letters and other items. They invited us to their home to meet their oldest son and his family. When we arrived later that afternoon, we were very, very touched to see Aaron's framed picture was placed on the coffee table. While watching videos of Aaron together, we laughed - and cried. Now Jack and Charlene had a name and face to add to their family and we had new members for our own. Jack and Charlene were now calling Aaron by his name. There could not have been a better visit. We left our new family members - relieved and pleased. Jack and his family joined us for our presentation at the high school. When I introduced Jack to the students as the recipient of Aaron's heart, he was given a huge round of applause. Our experience with Jack, caused us to become more assertive about meeting the other recipients. Just this year, my wife and I met Bill - the Houston man who had received one of Aaron's kidneys. Our families had a wonderful Thanksgiving together. Since the transplant, Bill has earned a Masters degree, fathered two children and taken a more fulfilling job as a teacher at a small college in Houston. Unfortunately, we never met the recipient of Aaron's other kidney. The woman experienced a delayed reaction and the kidney had to be removed. She died of cancer just a few months ago. To meet and talk with the recipients of Aaron's organs was very emotional. However, it is very comforting to know that Aaron is still around and still helping others. It has been important to know these good people and that Aaron's organs went to people who would care for them. We had hoped they would be as caring and loving as he was. As a result of our experiences, we've also helped the hospital involved renew its commitment to facilitating communications between donor families and recipients. In the future, other families like ours will have an easier time if they want those communications. Not expected, but certainly welcome, is making Jack and Bill and their families part of our own. Aaron did not make it to his high school graduation. He did not get to attend college. He did not marry and father his own children. He did not have the opportunity to experience the future. But he lives on, not just in the minds and hearts of those who loved him, but very tangibly in Bill and Jack and all they have done and become. |
